so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
