I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
