Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
