it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
