We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
whose ass print is on the piano?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
