One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
