the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
