Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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