I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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