as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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