My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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