can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
