never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
