pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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