i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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