Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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