sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
