i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
