New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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