you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
