i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
