I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I can't put those talents on a resume
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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