M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize