As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
