mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
