is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
