My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
