haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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