are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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