I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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