If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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