No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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