the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Shame - the story of my life.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
