My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
