Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
