I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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