They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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