Michael Bay diarrhea
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
