One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
