I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
They have beer where we have blood.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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