Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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