How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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