I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
