I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
