don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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