yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
