so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
