you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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