I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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