I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
