threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
