Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
