I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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