so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
