it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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