R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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