hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
