if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
