pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
