Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
