"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
