You can't special order awesome
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
