just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
