If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
