addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize