literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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