I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Soap is not a condiment
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
