I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Randomize
