why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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