I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
