and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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