look no pants
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
