I wanna passion pit in your ass
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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