I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
