you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
