My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
